excerts of maddness (old blog part 5)

this is part 5 of the old blog.

10 Feb 2007

excerts of maddness

if I'll never seen you, why do I have to know you.. what is this.. a joke. you think you want me , you torment me with secrets words filled with desire.. filled with lust..
you dont see, you dont know the last years of this life and the effects apon me its taken. honestly I want to be left alone.. I dont want you hot lips wrapped around my cock, I dont want your tits in my face.. as I sit there listening to you talk to me.. I 'm trying to do my job, I'm trying to make my sales,
I'm trying not to exist.. the customers ask me if I'm a recording.. they understand me.. they know I dont want to be. you think I'm hot, you think I'm sexy.. you don't get it.. you dont know.. if you knew. you would scream and run from me as though I was one of the men you fear at night. no, you can't seduce me.. sadly I hate you.. i hate you blonde hair , your breast.. you body.. I hate your eyes and everything that makes you , you.. you dont realize what your inviting into your life.. even for a night, you could not sate the lust in me.. no. my desires go beyond sex, you dont understand what the female body is to me. I'm not some prize for you to mount.. it would cost so much.. my lust is for hate. you have never met the likes of me in your rich ass suburan daddies covertable life style..
so what your wearin punk clothes and have some steel in your body.. you dont have it. I can't expess this .. I dont think I'll ever be able to.. I dont think people realize. when my eyes stare into an unseen thought.. that thought is of me bathing in you blood.. whilst sipping fine wines.. you dont understand my desire is to defile you and your mind in ways that you'll never be able to repair.. the hate in me makes it so.. the love in me makes me hate you even more.. and ever time you lean into to whisper another secret word of how you think you could please me, my mind reels in pleasure knowing that I could simple bite so deep into your throat that you would not beable to scream... the fact that your warm blood you claim to be making you so hot for me... would run down along my chin and staining my dress shirt.. its your fear that turns me on, it's your pain thats sates me .. its watching you suffer inconfusion that I want.. I rend your flesh from your bones and feed it to you.. even if you knew this.. you'd not be able to grasp why, theres people out there that know.. they understand why... its teh hate, sure, true, pure hate for you.. no.. not you. the hate has no targets it just hates.. constanct, hot like white smithing fires.. it burns in the viens. it makes your body eche, it makes your nerves shake and tremble. its what makes me sweat.
what would you say.. if I told you I wanted your still beating heart placed in my grasp as I showered in the blood from your body.. how would you take the fact that for the sheer point of killing you would be the closest to making my blood cool down for less a moments time.. no you dont understand what it is to hate.. if you did.. we wouldn't know each other.. not the way you want. no it is time for you to leave me in grace, as though I was solem tombstone left and forgotton.

The Ride Home

more stuff from old

26 Jan 2007

The Ride Home

Current mood:lonely

It was cold, I was so tired, I hate ridding busses so it wasn't like i was going to sleep ,there was a few of us on the bus that night. not that I was paying any care to it, the only concern I had was a scuffle outside the buss with a drunk and the driver refusing his ticket.. thankfully the driver won with the police help he was removed.
The bus lerched forward, I took off my jacket content in knowing I had the back of the hound to myself. I didn't see her, I didn't know she was watching me. the faint smell of her french perfume wafted near me, but unfazed I pulled out my loved copy of dante's inferno.
Slowly reading through page by page, I failed to notice she had moved into the seat closes to the walk way. It wasn't until the bus shuddered and the sound of the sleep rails (sleep rail- series of divits cut into the shoulder of the road to alert you when your drifting to close to the edge.) rattled me to attention that I noticed her. I jumped up dropping my hard cover book onto my groin I grunted at a mild pinch of pain.
In the hue of blue from the back lights of the bus I stared directly into her beautiful chestnut eyes, watching them shimmer in the passing lights of a car going the oposit direction. time stopped, and allowed me to burn her face into my mind, her cheeks strong and firm yet rounded just enough to give her soft, almost caring look to her. when she smiled at me with her midnight black lips revealing her polished teeth perfectly allined. her pale skin looks as though she was dead or had been frozen maybe.. with the contrast of the lighting and her make up. her hair flowed staticless around her slender smooth flawless neck, as though it was made of statin. resting solftly around the neck of her leather trench.
cocking my head slightly to the side as if to silently inquire if she needed anything, I was about to actually talk to this undead goddess but I couldn't. spell bound, entranced by her flawless, divinely awe striking beauty I was powerless.. I couldnt move. I was .. afraid. I could feel my self beging to shudder with embarasment. I could feel a cold bead of sweat begining to form just under my hairline. had the driver turn on the heat.. I couldn't tell.. I wanted to move, I wanted to say something.. I couldn't.. the fear consumed me. me of all people the guy that can walk down young street in T.O while wearing a black pvc fetish gear in broad daylight while singing lala'byies... couldn't talk or move. I didn't want her to go, I didn't want her to get "wierded" out by my staring. I was afraid to beak this moment.
as though time herself understood my desire for it to wait just only a moment, I sat there watching as her lips form into a curl, her hand raising up and over me, picking up my book in slow motion.. " I love dante's work." her voice was to me as the voice of a siren, calling to me.. filling me with goose bumps. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stiffen.
" And what do I owe the honor of your divine undead presence?" I calmly and slowly whispered out.. thinking to myself.. no screaming to myself " you Fucking Lame punk bitch ass fool.. what the fuck did you do the cheese line ffor.."
she turned placing one of her pale smooth knees on the seat between us, bringing her other leg forward and using her hands to crawl her way gracefully to my ear. her sweet breath sending the warmest shivers across my ear and spine as she spoke " read to me, the tails of the lustful circles of hell." I felt like I was in love, my veins instantly let a flame, burning pure white, my eyes cleared and it seemed as though I was seeing life though a HD (high deffinition) TV.
I watched her reach up to turn of the over head light, pausing only to check on the driver, who was blindly driving away. the backlight of the bus was enough for me to see the words, with her slim firm body press hard into mine as though she was cold, I began. It wasn't until I was into the flow of the peom that she again leaned into whisper another secret to me. nibbling on my neck, I did the best I could to maintain the flow of the write, she whispered to me " if you promis not to touch me, I promis I'll touch you". I lost my flow.. how could I not.. I nodded while I picked when I left off. I reread the second cantos of hell to her pretty much the rest of the way to T.O. only stopping when needed to. I would if I thought I could describe what she did to me on that trip. but alsas I have no more words for you. but in rememberance even now I shake from it. her touch so warm, her kiss like deep spiced wines of lore. her intoxicating voice wishpering sinful bliss. I know her name, but I will not for respect.
this is my trip to toronto. the women of my dreams, in a sence. the one girl I could feel .. by feel I mean feel the emotions she was expressing that night.
you may beleive this, you may not.. personally I dont give a fuck lol.. because I'll never forget this. .not for even a moment ..

in final note, my kitty is 3 this year I beleive, and i'll coment on the other coments I've gotten soon as I can.

2:08 AM