10 Feb 2007
excerts of maddness
you dont see, you dont know the last years of this life and the effects apon me its taken. honestly I want to be left alone.. I dont want you hot lips wrapped around my cock, I dont want your tits in my face.. as I sit there listening to you talk to me.. I 'm trying to do my job, I'm trying to make my sales,
I'm trying not to exist.. the customers ask me if I'm a recording.. they understand me.. they know I dont want to be. you think I'm hot, you think I'm sexy.. you don't get it.. you dont know.. if you knew. you would scream and run from me as though I was one of the men you fear at night. no, you can't seduce me.. sadly I hate you.. i hate you blonde hair , your breast.. you body.. I hate your eyes and everything that makes you , you.. you dont realize what your inviting into your life.. even for a night, you could not sate the lust in me.. no. my desires go beyond sex, you dont understand what the female body is to me. I'm not some prize for you to mount.. it would cost so much.. my lust is for hate. you have never met the likes of me in your rich ass suburan daddies covertable life style..
so what your wearin punk clothes and have some steel in your body.. you dont have it. I can't expess this .. I dont think I'll ever be able to.. I dont think people realize. when my eyes stare into an unseen thought.. that thought is of me bathing in you blood.. whilst sipping fine wines.. you dont understand my desire is to defile you and your mind in ways that you'll never be able to repair.. the hate in me makes it so.. the love in me makes me hate you even more.. and ever time you lean into to whisper another secret word of how you think you could please me, my mind reels in pleasure knowing that I could simple bite so deep into your throat that you would not beable to scream... the fact that your warm blood you claim to be making you so hot for me... would run down along my chin and staining my dress shirt.. its your fear that turns me on, it's your pain thats sates me .. its watching you suffer inconfusion that I want.. I rend your flesh from your bones and feed it to you.. even if you knew this.. you'd not be able to grasp why, theres people out there that know.. they understand why... its teh hate, sure, true, pure hate for you.. no.. not you. the hate has no targets it just hates.. constanct, hot like white smithing fires.. it burns in the viens. it makes your body eche, it makes your nerves shake and tremble. its what makes me sweat.
what would you say.. if I told you I wanted your still beating heart placed in my grasp as I showered in the blood from your body.. how would you take the fact that for the sheer point of killing you would be the closest to making my blood cool down for less a moments time.. no you dont understand what it is to hate.. if you did.. we wouldn't know each other.. not the way you want. no it is time for you to leave me in grace, as though I was solem tombstone left and forgotton.
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