part 8 old blog, getting juicy

more the older stuff

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14 Apr 2007

coming undone

do you remember

sometimes
ahh, can you still hear her..
no.. yes.. I dont know .. its been so long..
not really.. I mean .. i'm in here too.. I know how you feel.. not much different from then .. dont you
yes, yes I can hear her. fuck it.. I can even remember the warmth of her pooling blood as it spilled out of her body drenching me.. I remember the sirens.. the lights.. the drunk wandering around trying to figure out where he was.. his car parked in some ones bedroom.. I dont think they'll be waking up. I rememebr it all.. why the fuck do you ask.
you asked your self.
fuck you
oh come now.. you were so young back then.. how could you possibly feel like this.
you dont under stand. she is the nameless wonder of my life.. a women so beautiful... her long red flowing hair... her freckles and classic emerald eyes... her pure pale skin.. I may have been young.. but not young enough to not know love.
you were just friends.. you never laid a hand onher.. although.. it must have been temping, considering she trusted you so much, to change in front of you like you where a girl friend of hers..
I loved her as though she was the only friend I would ever have.
you ever think maybe she did that to you as a tease..
you dont understand dam it.. it wasn't like that.. she .. arg... it would have been impossble for her to do that.. that kind of shit just wasn't her..
its a shame though.. you ever wonder what would have come of you two .. if she hadn't wanted to walk home from the dance with you.
I miss her so much.
to think you could have been something I bet.. made a man of yerself so to speak.
fuck you .. why you always gota go there..
cause you wont.
its dam good you dont have a body of your own.
heh... oh look.. remember..
yes.
you were the last person she saw.
I know.
the last one to hold her as she spilled out on to the sidwalk.
stop
remember her smile.. her broken teeth, torn face..
please .. stop
you remember what she said.
I'lll never forget.. but I'm going to forget you now..
oh ? how so..
with beer.
oh .. clever.
no .. i'm giving up now.. you win..

(in memory of a lost friend.)

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30 Mar 2007

slave with out a master

Current mood:horny

its cold here, so cold and dark in this smal hollow I've created.. I can hear the echo's of life around me, and I press harder against the walls, want more and more to escape the vile cheerfulness of the sun,and the people wiith in it. solitude is my craving. their laughter grates along my spine like nails on a chalk board. I want my leather.. I miss my collar so much.. once I was safe in the confines of servitude to my master.. she was such a beautiful woman, adorned with spikes black pvc and leather.. merciless as well. she wouldn't tolerate the laughter, the joy around me now.. she would have made it all go away. I miss the pain of her Flogs, the sting as her nails cut into my skin as she commanded me to pleasure her in ways that truely defiled the purity of love. I miss the cold heartless stare she would give me before she would bless me with furies session of rending lashes and cigerette burns..

I miss my dungeon....

excerts of maddness (old blog part 5)

this is part 5 of the old blog.

10 Feb 2007

excerts of maddness

if I'll never seen you, why do I have to know you.. what is this.. a joke. you think you want me , you torment me with secrets words filled with desire.. filled with lust..
you dont see, you dont know the last years of this life and the effects apon me its taken. honestly I want to be left alone.. I dont want you hot lips wrapped around my cock, I dont want your tits in my face.. as I sit there listening to you talk to me.. I 'm trying to do my job, I'm trying to make my sales,
I'm trying not to exist.. the customers ask me if I'm a recording.. they understand me.. they know I dont want to be. you think I'm hot, you think I'm sexy.. you don't get it.. you dont know.. if you knew. you would scream and run from me as though I was one of the men you fear at night. no, you can't seduce me.. sadly I hate you.. i hate you blonde hair , your breast.. you body.. I hate your eyes and everything that makes you , you.. you dont realize what your inviting into your life.. even for a night, you could not sate the lust in me.. no. my desires go beyond sex, you dont understand what the female body is to me. I'm not some prize for you to mount.. it would cost so much.. my lust is for hate. you have never met the likes of me in your rich ass suburan daddies covertable life style..
so what your wearin punk clothes and have some steel in your body.. you dont have it. I can't expess this .. I dont think I'll ever be able to.. I dont think people realize. when my eyes stare into an unseen thought.. that thought is of me bathing in you blood.. whilst sipping fine wines.. you dont understand my desire is to defile you and your mind in ways that you'll never be able to repair.. the hate in me makes it so.. the love in me makes me hate you even more.. and ever time you lean into to whisper another secret word of how you think you could please me, my mind reels in pleasure knowing that I could simple bite so deep into your throat that you would not beable to scream... the fact that your warm blood you claim to be making you so hot for me... would run down along my chin and staining my dress shirt.. its your fear that turns me on, it's your pain thats sates me .. its watching you suffer inconfusion that I want.. I rend your flesh from your bones and feed it to you.. even if you knew this.. you'd not be able to grasp why, theres people out there that know.. they understand why... its teh hate, sure, true, pure hate for you.. no.. not you. the hate has no targets it just hates.. constanct, hot like white smithing fires.. it burns in the viens. it makes your body eche, it makes your nerves shake and tremble. its what makes me sweat.
what would you say.. if I told you I wanted your still beating heart placed in my grasp as I showered in the blood from your body.. how would you take the fact that for the sheer point of killing you would be the closest to making my blood cool down for less a moments time.. no you dont understand what it is to hate.. if you did.. we wouldn't know each other.. not the way you want. no it is time for you to leave me in grace, as though I was solem tombstone left and forgotton.