old posts part 6 =)

6 Mar 2007

words, i'm coming undone

Current mood:angry

2 days now. i ben told not to come into work.. I'm so tired of this.. I can't fucking pay my bills with out work.. I want to work.. i want to work overtime... I do exactly as I'm told, I even follow dress code.. there is so many others that dont even do that.. skip work.. fuck around.. and they able to go to work, everyones happy with them.. what the fucking hell.. I dont bother anyone. hell I'm suprised anyone there even know my name.. and yet I ;m being put off.. these fucking kids.. god dam them to hell.. fucking kids that dont have rent, dont have any real bills. and if worse came to worse would have a familly to fall back on .. but here I am.. no familly no safety net of any kinda working my ass off for a company that doesn't want me there.. I'll be looking for a new job starting tomorrow.. still haven't gotten to school. I was suposed to start that a long time ago what the fucking hell.. everything was going fine.. oddly it wasn't until my roomate showed up that things have gone to shit.. and funny thing is the last time I got laid off and things went to shit was when she First moved into my place in T.O since then i've fallen so far that I'm not able to see the light.. so to speak.
I can't help but wonder is she manifesting her negative engeries and effecting my life so much that I'm suffing for it ? I know thats pretty fucking weak.. but its seems just a little odd...
no I can't let that be.. this has got to be something i'm doing.. there has to be a reason I am responcible for.. and I need to find a way to change this... I used to want to find a way out of these kind of times.. but not this time.. I need to get my ass-kicked until I smarten teh fuck up.
and so I say in the words of my favorite clowns!
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU and FUCK YOU !

******************
21 feb 2007

pictures? go to hell

last night before bed I had a short convo with someone, it was about pictures not dirty or anything but it raised a question in me this morning.. What the fuck is the big motherfucking deal deal about pictures.. anyway I told the person my head hasn't been straight and I forgot.. mainly becuase the past couple of days my suger level have been fucked up and I've been having trouble seeing straight and head eches and the such.. she told me fuck you and that was last of it.. well I hope you read this if not I'll fuckin email it to you.. all I can say is fuck you too, because if you think my health should be on the back burner in regards to you and you wants.. you can go fuck yourself 50 ways from fucking sun down and go to hell.
have a happy fuckin day!

********************
16 Feb 2007

messednup

Current mood:weird

come to me with hate, come to me with love,
come to me with saddness, come to me with joy
one day some where your going to be my toy...
I dont need your forgivness... I need your hate..
I dont need your compassion, I need your rage.
soon, you will be in this cage.
seek the fire, find the pain
seek the lights, find the rain,
its about time the blood came,
wether yours or mine it doesn't matter.
its all the same

*************8
48 and a half hours sleep dep....and still awake.