to my baby girl

I remember the screaming sobbing. I remember the first time I saw her. our baby girl, so tiny, so fragile. I loved her so much. they took her away,warmed her, wrapped her up in a warm blanket. we sat with her. we cried.
we cried so much. we talked to her. we told her we love her. that she was beautiful and I want her back. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want them to take her away from us. and deep inside it hurt so much. I beg I beg so much. we thought maybe, maybe theres a chance left somewhere in this Sick and Perverted world that our baby girl moved. that she was still there, while we waited. that false sense of hope cept us from breaking down.

I begged, I pleaded to god, "let her breath" "let her cry out for ehr daddy, her mommy. let her be okay.

I was using the xbox-fable 2- my wife came to me from the washroom. she said she was expecting.. I froze, i paniced.. I was so happy and so scared. I dont want to be here like this. I want to see her. just one more time.. I want to be with her, I want our beautiful little girl to laugh and giggle. I want to hear her cry. I want to give her a hug.

my soul was so weak. my bones and nerves resoulved to not allow me to collaspe.. I walked aimlessly dazed from the elevator, in the hall, and I felt everything . I remember letting go, like I was 500 ft up in the air and I just let go, free falling to the floor, Balling, begging and sobbing.. I hated that nurse.. she took her away, I felt the blanket going cold and It was everything I could do not to scream in vicious horror that my baby wasn't coming home. instead i was left with a sickly calm apon me.

I didn't want to let go. I wanted more time.. more time to tell her that im sorry. to tell her again how much we love her. I wanted her to know her daddy. her bothers, her mommy. everyday I miss her so much.. it is like a heavy lump I just can't swallow. the guilt. the pain. the loss.

I close my eyes and I can see you darling. when I'm awake your there just behind my eyes. i can still feel you even though it feels so long ago.. sometimes when I start to fall asleep, I can almost hear you. i'm sorry baby.. daddy can't sleep right now